Do you regularly share a bed with another? Whilst it is very traditional to share a bed with a partner, it can be very disruptive.
In this blog, Dr Lindsay Browning explores the impact of sleeping next to someone and how to tackle the disadvantages, as well as considering the advantages.
The advantages of sharing a bed
Sleeping with a romantic partner can promote intimacy and boost your oxytocin production.
Remember that in order to have a good night’s sleep, we need to be in a comfortable, dark and quiet environment, and we also need to feel calm and relaxed. Therefore, it is of utmost importance that you feel really comfortable sharing a bed with the other person. Sleeping next to someone you love or care for can make you feel safer in the night, reducing anxiety and helping you sleep more soundly.
They can also help to keep you warm at night too.
The disadvantages of sharing a bed
Sleeping with a partner can interrupt your sleep. This can happen in a number of ways.
If they move a lot during the night, this can disturb you, either with the movement of the bed covers or them physically touching and moving against you.
If they grind their teeth or talk a lot during the night (sleep talking) that can also disrupt your sleep, due to the noise they are making.
They may also feel warmer or colder than you at night, meaning they need a different type or weight of duvet, for example
A bed partner snoring is also another common disadvantage.
Finally, different sleep and wake times are common. Whilst it is recommended that adults get 7-9 hours sleep, ‘when’ that sleep happens can be different for individuals, due to work commitments/patterns, lifestyle choices or just different people’s chronotypes and tendency to be more of a ‘lark or night owl’.
Your partner may also struggle with their sleep, which can also be a concern for you.
The side effects of disturbed sleep
Although everyone wakes during the night to some extent (especially between sleep cycles), if we are woken from deep sleep or woken frequently during the night, this can disrupt our sleep quality, leaving us feeling unrefreshed the next day.
Also, if we are woken from sleep, we may find it hard to go back to sleep again, meaning we won’t get our full 7-9 hours sleep, which we do need.
What to do if you are struggling with sharing a bed
Firstly, it is important to identify and discuss what may be causing your disturbed night’s sleep, as some things can be solved.
For example, if a bed partner grinds their teeth during the night, then they could use a mouthguard to cushion the noises so that your sleep isn’t disturbed. Similarly, if your partner snores there are cures to consider, as well as things you can do to minimise disruption from snoring.
If your bed partner moves a lot during the night, then you should ensure that your mattress is supportive enough to cushion their movements so that you aren’t impacted. It may be that your mattress is too old and not giving you the right level of support, or that you need a different kind of mattress to offer the level of support required.
Additionally, sleeping with two single duvets instead of one shared double duvet can mean that if your partner moves a lot or gets too hot and too cold in the night (pulling off and on their duvets) that this won’t disrupt your sleep.
Getting help with sleep troubles
If you are concerned about a bed partner’s sleep or sleep habits, then do encourage them to get in touch.
Your partner may be struggling with their sleep, coping with a related health issue or suffering with insomnia. When we share a bed with someone, this issue is not just their own and I work with couples to identify causes of trouble sleep and support them, so that you can both get a better night’s sleep.